There has been a lot of talk, among women, in recent years that their vagina is too loose especially after pregnancies. The general consensus is they’re displeased with their vagina’s performance. In other words, they feel that if their vagina returned to its “original” shape and firmness that this would enhance their sex life.
They use a jade egg or another object to tone their vagina like a muscle. The goal is to regain strength in the muscle tissue that may have been lost over time. Consciously or not they would like to be able to feel more in sex.
Kegel exercises for the purpose of toning muscles in the body is a great way to enhance muscle strength for overall body health.
The problem is that this is being looked at backwards. The belief is that if you build more tension you will feel more intensely during sex, but the result is desensitization.
To feel more in sex, what is needed is to sensitize not desensitize. We need to be able to prioritize time for ourselves, relax and learn how to open to our bodies. Through this process we release tension that has been caused from the desensitization over a lifetime of friction in sex. We then begin to increase our feminine receptivity which draws our partner to us.
Conventional sex causes tension to be held not only in the vagina but also in the cervix, uterus and our whole reproductive system. The male partner also holds tension in his penis which causes him desensitization which leads to impotence. When tension meets tension the outcome is no feeling at all. That’s why conventional sex has to be so hard and fast and a lot of rapid movement to try to feel beyond the tension.
The jade egg is an ancient practice which, alternately, can be gently used for relaxing cells within the vagina up to the cervix. Including this beautiful practice into your daily routine is a gentle reminder to the body to unblock tension. But when used for building excitement, intensity and stimulation this again adds more tension.
Because women hold so much tension we’re only able to open the entryway of our vagina so that’s as far as we get in sex. Women don’t experience real full penetration because the penis never reaches the outer walls of the vagina and cervix. Orgasm is triggered as the penis thrusts the entryway of the vagina thus prohibiting a full body experience.
Women are holding tension in their bodies from painful childbirth, thrusting sex, abortion, rape, sexual abuse, aggression and emotions stored in the body. During karezza and restorative feminine sexuality practices, we are able to relax our entire vaginal canal and allow emotions of past traumas to surface and transform.
Placing our intention on our life force energy, we welcome practices that allow it to circulate and breathe and opt out of practices that dam up this energy. Our body is sacred and we can easily learn how to awaken the emotional traumas that we compartmentalize deep in our bodies.
Women can feel the penis all the way up to her heart through relaxation based lovemaking because he is able to lovingly enter her completely. This kind of sex is rooted in totality not in dissecting of parts.
All women would like to please their partners. But this mindset needs reframing. We can love our partners without making pleasing them a goal. When we make pleasing the man our goal, without realizing it, we are choosing performance based sex.
When we engage in practices that desensitize our bodies we are doing this at a price to ourselves and to our partners. Men cannot hold back their ejaculation when a woman is tensing up her vagina. The biggest problem men face in sex is pre-ejaculation and this causes them to be flooded with anxiety and shame.
Also, the woman tensing causes the vagina to become more easily inflamed which adds unneeded heat to sex. She cannot be both soft and receptive and also tense and dynamic. We need to be total in whatsoever we pick.
When we begin to realize that to make love we need to stop tightening and flexing our vagina. This creates an environment that is preclusive to creating what we want - love. To open the energy highway to the heart we allow our bodies to become open and receptive.
We have been conditioned to believe that our vagina is not good enough and that we need to change it, but this is a misconception that is entrenched in the fear that we have to make ourselves more desirable.
These mistaken beliefs have become normalized from the ongoing misuse of sex to create sexual pleasure through the means of friction rather than lovemaking with genuine connection through relaxation and love.
In short, attempting to change our bodies to please our man isn’t really pleasing our man. We are making our bodies like a mans - and that is a big problem when we really want to be and are a woman.
To bring more intimacy into our life we can reach for practices that allow for deeper connection to ourselves and our partners.